Dead Brand Walking

by JAX    
​With the recent deaths of the Scion brand and the Cadillac ELR overpriced coupe thing, we are once again reminded of the impermanence of the auto industry and how quickly the fickle hand of Fate can strike down brands and models that aren’t performing up to expectations.  (Meanwhile, somewhat inexplicably, Lincoln and Mitsubishi soldier on…)  While some may mourn the loss of the Scion brand — in between heavy doses of controlled substances, most likely — the fact of the matter is that the ax had been a long time coming.  The Scion brand completely failed at its stated mission of bringing new and youthful (i.e., not nearly dead) owners into the Toyota hierarchy of brands, so it was only a matter of time before the brand itself joined so many of Toyota’s loyal customers in that great insufferably beige land beyond the horizon.  At a glance this is not unfortunate; however, the glimmer of potential represented by the original Scion Xb and the fact that it’s unlikely we’ll be getting such an interesting and unapologetically Japanese car any time soon is worth lamenting.  More than any of Scion’s other products, the Xb represented what the brand was after — young, possibly hip, urban twenty-somethings with just enough disposable income to afford a new car that made a statement, sipped fuel, and could carry just about anything.  If ever a car defined millennial hipster, it was the Scion Xb.  Unfortunately for Toyota, though, it was about a decade too early and ended up being aimed squarely at Gen Y college graduates who were still enjoying relatively cheap gas, even cheaper SUVs, and plentiful job opportunities left over from the dot com boom.
    Small, boxy alien car?  Ha!  I’ll crush you beneath my Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer edition, which says to everyone that I’m the male equivalent of a sorority girl in a North Face jacket.
    That Scion was doomed to fail was almost a given, and the situation was much the same with Cadillac’s rebadged Chevy Volt, the ELR.  Although the ELR was attractive to look at and featured one of the nicest interiors ever conceived by GM, its mission statement was somewhat unclear.  Was it an environmentally conscious fashion accessory for people who wouldn’t be caught dead in a Prius or a Leaf, or was it a rather sad attempt to cash in on the same success enjoyed by Tesla — albeit with a fraction of the range, performance, and machismo enjoyed by Tesla’s Model S?  Either way, the ELR was a dismal failure, and it was evidence that there was still some residual cynics left over from GM’s dark days, the kind of people who thought they could slap some sexy sheet metal on a Chevy Volt, more than double the price, and somehow compete with a company that was attempting to rewrite the playbook on personal transportation.  Although not as hideous to look at as the Pontiac Aztek, the ELR nevertheless suffered from the same catastrophic miss of its target market and almost inconceivable misunderstanding of customers’ needs and wants.  GM could have thrown the ELR to newly licensed sixteen-year-olds for free, and it still would have been an epic failure, probably because the teens would have traded them all in for Hellcats — or meth.
    Hey, this car has an amazing interior.  How many ounces of Walter White can I get for this handbrake leather?  What about some Alcantara?  What will that get me?
    The complete and total rejection of the Scion brand, the Cadillac ELR, and the perennial whipping boy Pontiac Aztek leaves one to wonder why car companies have such a difficult time identifying audiences and bringing to market products that satisfy those audiences.  Of course, there are a multitude of other factors to consider — you know, like economics — but we’re still left scratching our heads in amazement over some of the more bizarre decisions made by the automakers in response to impending public relations doom or flat out financial ruin.  GM’s decision to keep Buick and GMC seemed rather odd after the bailout.  At the time, Buick was GM’s Lincoln and GMC was churning out shamelessly rebadged Chevrolets (which pretty much hasn’t changed).  To many, myself included, it seemed as though GM should toss Buick and GMC in the dust bin with Oldsmobile and Pontiac and soldier on with Chevrolet and Cadillac, the same tiered approach used by the Japanese automakers and some of Volkswagen’s subsidiary brands.  No one could have expected the revolution at Buick (which is dangerously close to being derailed if they come out with another car as bland as the Cascada convertible), and no one could have expected GMC to — uh — be doing the exact same thing as they were doing before, if I’m honest.  Seriously, who buys a GMC?  How sad has your life become that you feel like making the financial stretch to avoid a Chevrolet badge but you still can’t admit to yourself that securing financing for a Cadillac is beyond your reach?  There is absolutely zero reason to buy a GMC, and I challenge you to provide me with one that is rooted in logic and reason and not some mystical form of voodoo or witchcraft.  But I digress…
    This Chevrolet Tahoe in LTZ trim is very nice, but do you have any models that are exactly the same yet cost several thousand more?  I’m really looking to overpay by a good five grand here.  What can you show me that meets those criteria?
    So Buick and Lincoln soldier on while Scion, the ELR, and countless other makes and models fade into the fog of history.  Some consolation can be had in the form of the Scion FR-S being rebadged a Toyota — and one can only hope being renamed the GT86 (edit: it is!) — and the fact that Buick is now making some truly good cars.  But for every silver lining there is a shoulder shrug or sob story, and I have to roll my eyes in wonder at the continued existence of GMC, the incessant banality of Lincoln, and the fact that Mitsubishi somehow persists despite the Universe’s best attempts to kill it.  This tragic dance of death also brings up the tacit question: which make or model will be next?  These types of things are never easy to predict, but if I had to guess, I would most likely point a finger — or scythe — in the direction of Acura, if not for an outright death sentence but for an entire brand identity shift in the vein of Cadillac.  I’d also take a good, long look at the Ford lineup of SUVs since one or two of those could drop at any time, mainly because they’re all crap.  Dodge is another brand that could find itself on the chopping block since it’s hemorrhaging models (the Viper is being killed off and the Grand Caravan is being replaced by the new Chrysler Pacifica minivan) and the remaining models are garbage.  Like, absolute and utter garbage.  The kind you’d find piled on the side of a street in, uh, Detroit....
    But if we’re pointing fingers, we need only point them in one direction: at ourselves.  Sure, many of the aforementioned makes and models are deserving of their sentences, or at the very least some harsh criticism; however, we are culpable for such monsters as the BMW X6 and Mercedes GLE, two of the dumbest cars ever made.  For some reason they inspire people to throw money into fire, which is not a behavior you can explain in human words.  At the end of the day, that’s the best explanation available for why some makes and models live and why some of them die: every Scion Xb that might show a glimmer of potential will be readily and willingly sacrificed on the altar of common sense so that sins against nature like the BMW X6 can live.  Evolution doesn’t seem to work in the automotive kingdom, but then again, it doesn’t really seem to be working very well in the human kingdom, either.